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The 365 days, 52 weeks, and 12 months of year 2009 had finally reached its deadline. Last year was, as always, a mix of glee, surprise, stress, anxiety, grief, and more other UNexplainable sentiments yet, one thing is for sure, 2009 is worth remembering. I can say that it had brought the greatest BLAST of all the years so far. So to make sure I won’t forget any of those events carried last year, I reviewed and wrapped them all up in this post.

..JANUARY..

• Earlier of January, I was chosen to be one our school’s representative in Chevalier School’s foundation day. Category: On-the-Spot Poster Making Contest. Oh yes, this was the FIRST (and unfortunately the last) Poster making contest I ever joined outside the school. Since this isn’t like any other competitions, we really prepared for it. We we’re excused in our classes to practice and study. Together with my co-participant Jouhses and partners Lory and Charina (for Pot-Painting). We even asked college students to teach us some basics. Thanks to Kuya Benot and Kuya Julius, they really helped a LOT! None of us won, yet it was something to be really proud of!

• The Bingcang family (or should I say Soromero ’cause it’s from my lola’s side) had a reunion, well not really, but something like that. We stayed there for an overnight (?) or two nights maybe (sorry, I can’t hardly remember) to attend Kuya Tyrone’s wedding. Before the big day, we explored Lumban, Laguna and the best part of it was the breath-taking view of the whole location from the TOP of the mountain and the freezing breeze of the wind.

..FEBRUARY..

• February is the Heart’s month, and there’s nothing special about it than receiving a bouquet of flowers.

• This was the highlight of my last Foundation Day in RCC, my last dance as I may say. The Seniors successfully took back their trophy after winning as Champions in the Modern Popular Dance category. The group was composed of Gemma, Shasta, Frauline, Kristine, Carmina, Princess, Veberlee, Perlyn, Lory and yours truly, and the greatest contributor and choreographer Sharina. But more than the award is the bond and friendship that was built every single day of the rehearsals and that will NEVER be forgotten. Itutuloy natin ang sayawan!

• “For my last prom, I promise to spend it right and party hard!” Luckily, I never fail to accomplish my oath. The greatest prom ever,  I don’t regret dancing with the my guy friends, partying on the dance floor, and being formal as I can be by wearing those high-heels (it hurt badly though). I can still remember crying in the middle of the event because of thinking about graduation day, but the laughs and smiles beat the tears. It was all about party anyway!

..MARCH..

• Who said that high school Graduation Day would be tearful? I beg to disagree! I didn’t see even a single drop of tear from our eyes as the day ended. Why? Because it’s no ordinary graduation day. In the middle of the ceremony, it rained hard so we were transferred to the school’s Social Hall but the surprise didn’t end there ’cause not for long, the lights suddenly went out! In other words, we were asked to sing our grad songs without background music, they couldn’t take us a class picture with our toga’s, and the grad was cut-short but no problem because everyone’s name was recognized before the disaster happened, meaning we are still the “GRADUATES OF BATCH 2009,” congratulations! We can’t help but laugh everytime we think about it! XD

..APRIL..

• After the grad day came the closing party, of course. We had an overnight stay at Villa Alfredo’s and we were surprisingly (almost) complete! Our room was not enough for us, SPACE?! ahhaha, we were like sardines and one of craziest thing I recall about that special day was when I woke up and saw Neren sleeping while STANDING on the bed! ahahahaha, for real! XD

• 13th: 1st death anniversary of Daddy. Time flew so fast, it’s been a year.

..MAY..

• One of the biggest and unforeseen thing about this year. Our mom brought us a very shocking news: We are moving to Manila to study! OMG! Imagine my surprise when I heard it from her. At first, I thought that she wasn’t that serious, but to my dismay, she meant it. I even posted two blogs regarding the moving thing. Hmmmn, no worries, all my AKALA’s are ,as usual, wrong as I started making a living here in Manila. Thanks for the help of my good friends.

..JUNE..

• June 1 is ‘Welcome to Manila!’ and we moved here to do that one thing we must do - STUDY! College year started and I have met my new friends from the one and only class of A-107. I learned to adjust somehow, and socialize with people I barely new. Life here wasn’t as hard as I thought, but lessons in College are quite, haaaay, unpredictable, very hard! I’m hoping to get through it alive.

• The UNhappiest birthday in my entire existence happened. Oh well, never mind.

• Three days after my birthday, a heart-breaking news came, our Lola Ester from my Dad’s side passed away.

..JULY..

• After weeks, we came back to our dear hometown Pampanga to celebrate my sister’s 18th birthday with our beloved family.

..AUGUST..

• As a project for our Political Science class, our prof obligated us to have a Senate Visit and come up with a reaction paper. It was not like making a project at all, because personally, I enjoyed observing the senators and other politicians and listening to their session and all the talks. I can’t believe I was there!

• On the same month, I indulged myself into a dance workshop under the training of Ate Mariz. It was a great chance and experience for me. I enjoyed every workshop and I learned a lot from it. I even got inspired to develop my own skill.

..SEPTEMBER..

• My cellphone was lost. I owned it for more than a year, the longest so far and though it’s not as latest as other phones, I still value it so much. I have saved more than 500 messages there  and those isn’t just simple texts, every single message I kept in there mean a lot to me. Who ever stole it, I CURSE YOU!

• It is indeed a dream come true when I saw Jabbawockeez danced LIVE at Glorietta. My friend Jhof and I weren’t that close to them but seeing them do their moves, even from afar, is totally amazing!

• Who could’ve forget the 09-26-09 typhoon Ondoy tragedy? I’ll surely won’t ’cause it was really unbelievable! I never experienced such flood back in Pampanga, and seeing so much than usual is scary. Some of the victims were my friends, good thing they’re all safe.

..OCTOBER..

• The first semester’s over - the days of A-107’s over too. The last days really brought the EMOness and CHEESYness hidden in us. Everyone started to send cheesy texts,post cheesy blogs and status, everything Cheesy. Honestly, those messages aren’t just for the award, everyone knows that they are real and we really meant it when we said “we’ll miss a107.” The good thing about us is that we didn’t let 2nd sem kill the friendship we have started.

• Just when I thought we won’t be coming back to China, my sister and I were already at the airport to go back there. Yes, we spent our two-week-sembreak at China with our mom and tito and celebrated Holloween together, my first time to make holloween pumpkins Being there was like being in another world! But the greatest thing about it is that we spent good times with our mom and that my sister and I came back here safe and sound. What an accomplishment!

• After almost four months, finally, the Aurumz reunited! First stop: at Louwella’s place as usual and lastly, to our dear RCC! I was so happy to see our school changed and improved but I was happier to see my second family after a long time of being away from them. The day wasn’t enough for all our stories and other talks but it felt home being with them again even just for a little time. I miss the good old days.

..NOVEMBER..

• For the first time, we didn’t celebrate All Saint’s and Soul’s day with the Bingcang family :c We missed the tradition because we were in China. Still, we made sure to lit candles for our Lolo’s, Lola, and Dad.

• Five major subjects, everyday at Mac Lab, morning to evening classes, no more A-107, HELLO A-109! Second sem had started. This sem is not as easy as the first one, especially now that I need attend three different sections, A-109, H-164, and H-248 and admittedly, I’m still unhappy about being an irreg student, good thing is that it’s only two subjects.

..DECEMBER..

• December 5, a tragic news came. Arson P. Quilala (soulmate as I call him), one of the Aurumz, suddenly passed away. The news was passed through text messages which made us doubt at first, it was very UNbelievable, or maybe, no one wanted to believe. December 6, the said news was proven real as the we all came together and visited him. I cannot imagine the grief we felt that time.

• A day before Christmas, as we celebrate our Lolo’s 8th death anniversary in Angeles, our Mapma soon followed him the same day and at the same time. For the second time, we celebrated Christmas at the funeral and instead of  merry-making, all of us tried to hide all the pain we feel from losing our Mapma. Everything was so sudden and unacceptable yet we know that Mapma’s now happy with Lolo up there in heaven. We miss her. x’c ; I was so excited to celebrate the holidays after the Bingcang’s had finally reunited, and hoped that the WHOLE family would be there. To my surprise, Mapma granted it, EVERYONE was there, even those who are abroad came. We were all together for her. Thank you Mapma, we are missing you.

______

It took me a lot of courage to finish this post especially the last month. This was supposed to be done before New Year. It was so hard to have a recall about what just happened but I still wanted to finish this. Anyway, there goes my year-end report. I hope 2010 brings EVERYONE happiness. Happy New Year.

*thank you ja, for inspiring me to do this review*

xiXi =3

YOU’LL ALWAYS BE ONE

We have found you living in arrogance
You have given us so much annoyance
As much as you want to call for attention
You never failed to capture one

You were more than what you seemed to
In you, we found more than friendship
“Why mind them if I can be happy here?”
You never said, but you have always shown

You cared for us unselfishly
Be it too personal or not
All you wanted was our safety
And so you have assured our protection

Brave enough to sleep on the teacher’s desk
Confident enough to sing the RCC Hymn
No matter how petty the details are
We will always remember how silly you have been

They say death will always haunt everyone
Like it or not, accept the phenomenon
But how can you we do such thing as letting go
When everything only seems like a nightmare

We love you dearly our friend
We may not say it often to you
You must know that we don’t have to
‘Cause by heart, you are of great value

As much as we want you stay
Still we hope for nothing but your happiness
Up there with Him is an assurance of it
Though painful, to Him is where you’ll belong

No regrets that we have crossed our paths
Thank you for all the seconds you have shared
You will always be remembered by Aurumz
For in our hearts, you will always be one of us.

This is a poem I wrote for my soulmate while I was on the way back to Pampanga to be on his last night till his last day on here. 12.12.09

—–

December 05, 2009, our dear friend Arson P. Quilala had passed away and had gone with God of that evening. It was the most sudden and tragic catastrophe that ever happened before 2009 ends. It was 20 days before Christmas but he had not any chance to celebrate it with his family and friends.

Last 13th of December, Sunday, the last time we laid our eyes upon him and gave him up to heaven. Though it was really painful for us, his friends, though we almost broke down and cried all our tears, the pain of his family is what really made us sad. We hope for their betterment.

—–

My soulmate arson, we miss you, i never thought that such thing will happen, ni minsan hindi ko kinayang isipin na mababawasan ang Aurumz. It took me three days before I accepted it, pero honestly soulmate, masakit pa rin pag naaalala ko, alam kong wala pa to sa nararamdaman ng iba, pero sobrang namimiss na  kita, soulmate, sorry kung hindi na ko nagtext nun ha, ikaw naman hindi mo sinabing nagpalit ka into sun, ika talaga! Eku makapaniwalang panindigan me ing pagiging “Mr. Agaw Eksena” mu, talagang binigla mo kami.

Don’t worry soulmate, iingatan ko sarili ko tulad ng bilin mo. Soulmate, dapat pag-akyat ko din diyan, tuloy natin kantahan natin ha, wala na kong kakantahan ng Parokya ni Edgar, nabawasan na rin nagtuturong maggitara sa’kin. Sana pag nagsama-sama tayong lahat ulet, tulad pa rin ng dati, sana kilala pa nating lahat ang isa’t-isa. Tulad ng dati, magbabonding ng bongga ang Aurumz, at papakainin mo na kami nung tatlong planggana ng spaghetti mo. Naalala ko tuloy nung pinagluto mo kami nung hotdog with ketchup. Haaaay. Sayang talaga son, ala ku ken during your last days here on earth. Sana nagka-chance man lang akong maka-heart to heart talk ka ulet. Namimiss ko na talaga lahat. Soulmate, wag na wag mong papabayaan pamilya mo ha,  mas kailangan ka nila ngayon, we’ll be okay, alam naming hindi mo din kami pababayaan. MAHAL NA MAHAL KA NAMIN. SOBRA, HINDI KO ALAM KUNG GAANO KALAKI, BASTA MAHAL KA NAMAN. That three years with you is almost like a lifetime of friendship. Edaka akalingwan, mahalaga ka kekami ngan. Tandanan mu ita.. soulmate daka forever, im grateful to meet someone like you. With GOD, we know your happy there. AURUMZ TAMU! c’:

xiXi =3

The thought of living here in the Metro four months ago was really awful. Scary thoughts have eaten up my mind, I was too worried because hello, this is Manila for goodness’ sake. As they say, “lahat ng pwede mong makilalang personalidad, nasa Maynila na” at “malakas ang hatak ng mga tao dun.” I won’t wonder why I was so paranoid everywhere I went but hey, I was so wrong.

In my stay here for almost five months I can finally say that it wasn’t that hard to adjust and adapt, that’s because there are these people who opened and reached their hands for me to fit in.

Section A-107, 7am, room 330, ENGN10A. First day was unsurprisingly… well, quiet, ahahah. As usual, first impressions rose, and I know I wasn’t the only one trying to read one another’s mind and personality.

Every subject, there are new faces which I find really confusing. I even asked myself, “Paano ko malalaman kakaibiganin ko kung hindi ko makilala yung mga talagang ka-block ko? Ang labo naman.” As weeks passed I realized who belongs to the section A-107, if you’ve seen someone being in the same class as you do for more than three times, he/she might be one.

Of course, as any other class, certain groups were made. Those groups weren’t produced intentionally, you just can’t help but join the same people everyday especially when you’re comfortable being with them. No matter how many groups evolve inside the four corners of rooms 330,239, and gym, A-107 is still one.

We traded contacts from numbers to e-mail addresses, we exchanged group messages, we went to the cr in groups or by twos, we shared histories, we ate together regularly, we shared assignments and notes, we laugh on the corniest jokes, we took pictures and videos, and the best-est thing? It was when we started to CARE for one another. Unexpectedly, though we know that we won’t last for long, together we made a strong bond that would be hard to break by anyone.

At first, some were really hard to understand, yet those differences made a difference. The unlike attracts as they say and so we did.

What I love most about this section is that they didn’t treat me different from others. They know that I’m from Pampanga but all of them were eager and patient enough to teach me. They showed me that I belong and that everyone is.

I can still remember my best memory with them, PE finals. Honestly, that was the most enjoyable dance I did. I never felt so much energy, excitement, and happiness while dancing, it just happened that day. There are a lot more to share, but it all ends up with one conclusion- a day with them is always a good laugh.

Now that first sem is over, and though we know that on the next ‘first day’ we won’t see all the same faces, we know that by heart, for once, we were a big part of a happy family… the A-107.

—

I LOVE YOU ALL, for real. Walang kakalimot ha. Missing you guys.

xiXi =3

Another night, and nothing’s new, she’s here, with friends, all drunk up, wasting her life, doing it all over again as if nothing happened, as if Mom never talked to her.

I’m really fed up, no, I mean more than being fed up to the point that i wish i could die now! Yes, that’s what i want to happen, maybe in that way she’ll change for good and not temporarily.

I pity mom, she soooo doesn’t deserve this, she’s been really good and strict to us but my sister is not and will not ever learn.

I’m crying again, though I know that i should not, but tears just keep falling. I should not cry for someone like her but I’m too weak to help it and to talk to her. I tried to but it always ends with a big fight. This is the reason why all I can do is to let my fingers work with the keyboard, cause I’m too coward to face her and say everything I want to say. x’c

Two years ago, my father died. She promised him that she’ll change for the better. Beside my dying father, she told him a big f*cking lie. Years ago too and not for long, she broke her promise, she started again. One thing I knew is there was a blood on the floor. I thought that was the end yet God didn’t let that happen. Everyone wanted her to leave but during those hard times, though I know that she was so wrong, I never left her side, I was there comforting her. Those nights when she would wake me up and all I can do was to make her stop crying and hug her. We were separated and I remember myself coming home for lunch but instead of eating, I’ll just cry in my room after reading her letter for me. We were separated, though it’s not really far, it was hard for me to accept cause we grew up together and I was too afraid to live away from her. EVERY single day, someone would come to talk to me, someone would call and explain everything and I dont have any choice but to trust their decision.

She came back and everyone believed and trusted her. When some people would ask me about her, I’ll even say that she’s change, that everything is okay and there’s nothing to worry about but to my big dissapointment, I guess I put myself into SHAME. Not for long, repeated mistakes have been committed. A tragic family problem occured and until now, it’s not yet solved. I am not blaming her for bringing that but she is a big part of it too.

We were brought here in Manila- the RISKIEST decision ever made by my mom. She wanted us to keep our distance from the problem cause it had brought a great impact in our lives, not just to us, but the WHOLE family. Before the night we enrolled, my mom talked to me and that same night too, I gave her my final answer- to study and live here in Manila. Yes, I am VERY attached in Pampanga, but I chose to stay here for my sister. For her I disregard myself because she assured my Mom and everyone that she’s coming back in Angeles with a good reputation.

With MUCH expectations in our heart, all those agreements were just expectations which were NEVER reached.

On the day of my birthday, my mom planned something for the three of us but on the same day of June 20, my so called ‘happy’ birthday fell apart because of her. I can still remember mama coming here late at night to bring me food and cake but those time was covered with so much tears. I spent my birthday UNhappy.

My mom forgave her and I can’t remember for how MANY times but I know that what I’m feeling now is just nothing compared to her. This pain is ten times to my mom. She doesn’t deserve all of these yet she’s still being put into such position. I wanna help, but I can’t do anything.

Why am I wishing for my death to come when I know that it will be useless? Dad had died literally and Mom is feeling so much dying but that girl outside that door doesn’t care enough. It’s like being in a circle, no stopping, same old dilemma. BUT UNTIL WHEN??? I’m afraid that before it ends, I already gave up.

——

Dad, I’m sorry po, wala akong magawa, I hope kahit ganito, you’re here with us, I know you are. Please po, bantayan niyo po siya. I miss you.

Mama, wala kang ginagawang masama, best mom ka sa earth, please don’t think na wala kang kwenta,please ma, be strong, kahit nauubusan na ko ng hope, yung natitirang pag-asa sa heart ko ibibigay ko sayo, kayanin mo lang lahat. I really wish I can do something.

Siz, please, hindi kami magrereact ng ganito if we don’t care, please, tama na to. :’c

GOD, please, give us the strength to get through.

——

I know I’m not supposed to post something like this in the internet but if I don’t, I’ll explode in no time. I don’t have anyone to talk to right now, it’s 3:15 in the morning and I’m still crying.

xiXi =3

Earthquake resulting to tsunamis, typhoons resulting to flash floods and landslides, and all of those effecting to deaths and loss of properties.

What’s happening during the past days is something everyone should think about. Warnings have been given years and years ago about this what we call ‘climate change’ but as we see, based on these recent tragedies, people didn’t take it seriously. Maybe others did, but not most.

Climate change is a threat but that was before, because now it isn’t just a warning, it is the reality. Most of us say it is just a natural calamity but here’s what I think about it, these tragedies aren’t natural, they are not made by nature, it is the result of our actions.

We have took great advantage of our mother nature without realizing how it can hurt her and how it can affect us. Yes, the damage of the nature is twice the effect to us.

Other affected people in the Philippines have been complaining to our government officials. They said that they didn’t warn everyone and that this officers-in-charge aren’t responsible enough. True, but not absolutely. Admittedly, we are lacking of equipments that are really important for unexpected situations, but the blaming should not be given to them. It is everyone’s fault. Alerts have been given to us but were ignored. It’s really sad to know that behind the administration’s effort, they are still being criticized.

In this type of situation, what we all need are not just “politicians”, what we need are “leaders”, yet we should remember that in order to be called a leader, there must be “members”. We, members, should do our part – support, trust, and work.

True indeed that that what we hear and see in the news is a fright, but it is satisfying to know that people, not just in the affected areas but all over the world, are making a participation just to help one another. Donations in cash and in kind are being given but let’s do not just depend from these. We are lucky that the world is good and affectionate.

It is not yet too late to save the earth and to prevent it from falling apart. Let’s be liable enough and take good care of our land. What USA, Indonesia, and Philippines had experienced is a wake- up call showing us the consequences of our every move. Let us not wait for another catastrophe to come for us to make a step and in time like this, we should keep the FAITH.

xiXi =3

Music is not a part of my life but certainly my life. I cannot imagine my existence without it. It guided me as I pass up my fears and is leading me into somewhere God wants me to be.

Unending lists of songs are pushing me on my way to the stage to perform and to finish my show though I know that there will always be a destruction. The audience might ignore me, I might get embarassed and even receive hurtful laughs than applauses yet these are just “mights”, no assurance. These songs told me that I should not let the curtain be closed without me offering a very worth- watching play. Let me share some of these.

SOMEONE’S WATCHING OVER ME – Hilary Duff

It doesn’t matter what people say

It doesn’t matter how long it takes

Believe in yourself and you’ll fly high

BAD DAY - Daniel Powter

Sometimes the system goes on a blink

And the whole thing turns out wrong

You might not make it back and you know

That you can be well oh that strong

BLUE SKY – Hale

Don’t you wash away that smile

Just look out the window and see the light

It’s beautiful to be alive, it’s wonderful to live a life

CLOSING TIME – Semisonic

Closing time, every new beginning

comes from some other beginning’s end

COLLIDE – Howie Day

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to right

DON’T THINK – Parokya Ni Edgar

Don’t think time away

Before you know it, the show has ended

Don’t be scared to fall

Just as long as you remember

Nothing came to those who didn’t try

THE HEART OF LIFE – John Mayer

You know it’s nothing new, bad news never had good timing

Then, The circle of friends went to find a silver lining

LIVE LIKE YOUR DYING – Lenka

Live like your dying and never stop trying

It’s all you can do, use what’s been given to you

LITTLE WONDERS – Rob Thomas

Let it fly, Let your troubles fall behind you

Let it shine, Until you feel it all around you

I don’t mind, If it’s me you need to turn to

We’ll get by, It’s the heart matters in the end

I BELIEVE – Yolanda Adams

Just let it go, Let the music go inside

Forget the pain, Just start to believe

WE BELIEVE – Good Charlotte

So let it be, there’s a love that could fall down like rain

Let us see, let forgiveness wash away the pain

FALL FOR ANYTHING – The Script

So before they bring you down

You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll for anything

KEEP HOLDING ON – Avril Lavigne

Hear me when I say, when I say, I believe

Nothing gonna change, gonna change destiny

Whatever’s meant to be will work out perfectly

LIFE IS LIKE A BOAT – Rie Fu

We are all rowing the boat of faith

The waves keep on coming and we can’t escape

But if we ever get lost on our way

The waves would guide you through another day

MAKE IT MINE – Jason Mraz

I don’t wanna wake before the dream is over

I’m gonna make it mine. Yes I, I know it

STRONG – Jordyn Taylor

Thinking back on how you changed me everytime, you try to put me down

Even though you really hurt me. Underneath, myself is what I found

TIME OF YOUR LIFE – Greenday

So make the best of this test and don’t ask why

It’s not a question but a lesson learned in time

UGLY – Sugababes

People are all the same and we only get judged by what we do

Personality reflects name and if I’m ugly, then so are you, so are you

WE CRY – The Script

There comes a time that every bird has to fly

At some point every rose has to die

xiXi =3

This is the essay I wrote for an inter-school contest, The Gleaner Literary Congress (Elementary, Highschool, and College), during my last year in highschool. This peace, with the topic excellence, won 2nd place though I myself could not believe that it actually captured the lecturer’s attention and the fact that this article defeated even those of the college students’ is amazing.

EXCELLENCE BEHIND THREADS

Have you ever seen a cross-stitched image? Where does a simple photograph and a cross-stitched one differ? And why do people rather spend their hours making as such?

Every time I see a picture made of cross-stitch, I can’t help but admire it. It seems that it’s more worth-viewing than a photograph made from a paper and an ink. It always makes me think that how I wish I can make one, but the thought of giving up a lot of time also makes me back-out. The thought of offering all your willingness and patience makes me stop, but how can I come up with a very astonishing image if I wont start stitching those small crosses together?

It makes me remember about my teacher who asked us before, “Do you know what grade Dr. Jose Rizal gets when he was still studying?”. Answers like 90, 95, and even 100 were given by my classmates. Ma’am laugh and said the correct answer, it was “excellent”. Our national hero wished for the best results, he aspired for excellence and so to achieve it, he offered everything- courage, determination, and perseverance.

We cannot witness and appreciate a cross-stitched picture if we will just wait and make others stitch it for us. The taste of success is more delicious if we know that it came from our own hardships. And if you want to reach excellence, start doing so.

Notice that a cross-stitch is composed of small x’s that will be delivered into a complete image of what you’re aspiring to see. As you add a cross on that cloth, you might think that there are still a lot left to sew, but these crosses will make a difference that will slowly show the image lying behind those threads. The image of excellence.

edited*

xiXi =3

For a while now, I’ve slept, dreamed, and walked away from the bitter truth. The innocence it gave me was amazing, from the little things of beauty, the feeling was actually the best. It’s a place of a dream, away from the pain of reality.

I thought I was happy but I saw myself crying, realization that it was not sincere. The nightmare of real life had knocked again, dreaming over.

Though I know it was better to live with total innocence, it’s as if the only thoughts making me alive are the memories.

I’ve let go for so many times, but I just can’t move away. It’s clear that I don’t deserve such things like this, but I could not go away from the idea that for once in my life, you did came. But now. I’m not sure if that coming back of yours was for real or was just your escape from the burden you once had.

Stupid as it may seem, I said “I love you” for a thousand times, I believed, I hoped.

The stage of denial wasn’t really helping me at all, or maybe it did, but something in me is left hollowed. The funny thing about it…

I am letting go… AGAIN.

xiXi =3

So there it is. That was written originally February of this year.

I wasn’t really planning to post this, but since my next post is not yet done, I did this. I just want to share it.

it’s been a real long time since I’ve updated my blog and my last post was about moving here in Manila. Yeah, you read it right. We are now HERE in Manila and I had started my college days.

Here it goes,that was June 1 when we arrived here,late night as i can remember and when we got here in our unit i was a bit dissapointed actually, but i was very happy when I saw the view outside our room. CITY LIGHTS,oh i love it!ahha. but right now, that’s not important cause i wanna share something better.

Yes, June 15, 1st day of class. I entered the room and there I saw about 15 people, I guess, staring at me as i walked through the room and as I chose my sit. The silence inside was killing me, NO ONE was talking, but ofcourse that was just the first day so what can I expect. I was hoping for someone to talk to me but that just happened when our first prof arrived. My profs were not that strict, but i’m hoping that my first impression will last.

Days passed and finally I have found my new friends. They were all nice and very friendly, jolly too, that’s why I didn’t have the hard time coping with the environment at school. Take note of that,school, because outside the school, I really find it hard adjusting. First was the HEAVY traffic, flood when it rained and the dirty air! Looking for your jeepney was really hard too, their sign boards have 10-12 places written into it so I still need to read all of those..hayy. The expenses is hard to handle too, I never thought that spending for college is this big.Plus, the crowd is sooo much, too much people everywhere.

Hmmn,in summary, staying here in Manila is hard yet I have learned somehow their way of living here. Not all people are scary and bad, you just have to be very careful. For now, I still want to learn loving manila, my classmates are helping me, they’re really kind. Manila is not a bad place at all, just try loving every place you are into, and that certain place will surely love you back.

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I would like to post more, but i’m running out of time. Thanks for reading, whoever you are. God bless.

xiXi =3

It’s been days since I heard from my Mom that we’re leaving soon. Not June, but this May. It’s been days also since i cried my nights to sleep. Yeah, what I said in my last blog post was I guess–just a THOUGHT.

Thought. *sighs* i thought I am ready, hundred percent sure. BUt after knowing our “moving day”, again, I felt pain. Where in it striked me so so deep. Before I sleep, I always imagine that day drawing near. Saying goodbyes and giving tight hugs to my family. A very tearful day. I would even imagine that, that day would be rainy. Sky comforting me and trying to feel the same sorrow I have in my heart.

I still want to do alot of things before I leave. Too many that I guess, I won’t be able to accomplish it all. I want one more day with my dear friends, with my cousins too. ONE DAY TRIP TO PAMPANGA, like a first timer child. My last view to my hometown.

I said in my last post that it’s like being “back to zero”, but here’s what I realized as days pass. In my stay here in Angeles City, 16 long years of being here, I think I’ve grown alot now. I’ve learned too much in this town and i know that what I have absorbed  and still absorbing ’till these days will be of big help as i moved to another place. I am not coming back to zero, but starting from level 2 (as my mentor said, Sir Sherwine Yalung). Maybe this life has it’s ten levels, I finished Pre-school, Elementary and Highschool and there’s still alot of phase to face.

One thing I’m sure of is that I maybe worried now but I know that God won’t leave me alone.

xiXi =3